Episode 012: Spiritual Counselor Barry Selby on Relationships & Self-Publishing


“Relationships are a wonderful opportunity to grow... which is not what some people want."
~Barry Selby

Jennifer Gardner interviews bestselling author, speaker and spiritual counselor, Barry Selby, aka "The Love Doctor", about relationships, the roles of feminine and masculine, self-publishing and the power of live streaming.



Barry Selby is known as The Love Doctor to his friends and clients. He is a passionate champion for the divine feminine who helps strong, successful single women stop short-changing their love-lives. He is the #1 best-selling author of 50 Ways to Love Your Lover, a speaker, and spiritual counselor through Agape International.

"If you are happy and grateful for where you are now, then everything that came before got you here, so there’s no choice but to accept and appreciate what happened before.” ~Barry Selby

Links & Resources Mentioned In This Episode

SummitLive (event where Barry & Jennifer met)
Agape International (where Barry is a spiritual counselor)
Create Space (for Self-Publishing)
AskWhale (live streaming advice)

"It’s almost like this surprise that happens... we’re just writing a blog post and putting it up for our friends and suddenly someone from India sees it… it’s huge — the ability to expand our awareness of what’s possible." ~Barry Selby

Connect with Barry

Connect with Jennifer 

@jenbgardner on Twitter

Email me here.
I am also on the web at and you can read about my approach to practicing law.

Highlights from the Episode

What it means to be a spiritual counselor vs a coach

Writing a 50 Ways to Love Your Lover, self-publishing & Barry's FB Live series

"I never planned to be an author and yet it seems to be something I can do without realizing it." ~Barry Selby

How Barry needed to write about relationships in order to become ready for a relationship of his own

The power of instant publishing and live streaming

Barry's road to becoming a relationship attraction expert...

...and then 3 relationships in a row where he did the same thing and was less than the man they needed him to be b/c he didn’t understand at that point how to be masculine and strong without being macho

"If you’re going through relationships where the same thing happens each time, more than one or two times, it’s  quite likely the problem is in you, not them. It’s just a clue, by the way. " ~Barry Selby

How polarities of masculine/feminine energy in relationships are not always determined by gender

Barry's experience with WarriorSage trainings in the desert - 1st training on meditation, 2nd on Sex, Passion & Enlightenment

The influence of David Deida's  The Way of the Superior Man - "A man’s purpose must come before his relationship."

The 3 parts of Barry's coaching practice especially with female clients: 

1) to heal their hearts  

2) to own their femininity and gifts in the world  

3) to clarify their vision of what they really want

The “zombie apocalypse” of being stuck in our phones and not really seeing each other or connecting in a real way

The creative nature of Barry’s work -- seeing new ways of seeing things for his clients, his joyful nature of seeing life as a gift and his work as something he loves to do and as a way of being in service to others, not stuck in a cubicle

Why Barry got into live streaming starting with Periscope and how it has helped grow business, connect with new people form of expression

The biggest transformative experience of Barry's life - reading a book by Richard Bach called Illusions

The sacrifices Barry has had to make to get where he is now 

The advice Barry would give to someone starting on their career path...

"Don’t take it too seriously... have a light heart going into your work." ~Barry Selby

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Thank you so much for listening and I hope you enjoyed the show. You can subscribe to this podcast on iTunes here. Also, if you like what you hear, please consider leaving a review and rating. I love to hear from my listeners and welcome your comments and suggestions. Let me know what you think--I want to connect with you!

Maybe by tuning in, we will learn something and be inspired to do the next creative, fun without a box thing in our own lives.

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